Grandma Medical Advice

Googling a medical question is just a dumb thing to do. We all know it is going to tell us we have an incurable rare disease, but we do it anyway. What we really need is a way to search what a typical granny type would tell you. Chances are it would have a more accurate answer than a "medical" site that tells you an eye twitch is probably a tumor or Tourettes (true story)

Why do I have a pain in my side?
It's just gas. Cut back on the chili and fritos a bit.

What does this headache mean?
It means you need to log off the computer. We all get headaches. Take a pill and sit in the dark.

What is this bruise on my leg?
You hit your leg two days ago on the coffee table/car door/ bedpost and forgot about it

What is this red bump?
Looks like a no-see-um gottcha. Just rub a little of that bug cream stuff on it. If it gets bigger, see about it.

Does my child have a learning disability?
Yes. Who doesn't. Back in my day....(insert opinion on spanking/working harder/just a phase/medication)

Why do I keep falling over?
Men, stop drinking  Women, stop wearing though crazy shoes

Could this be cancerous?
Everything could be cancerous. Why are you asking me? Talk to a doctor

Will this get worse if I don't have it treated?
It will either get better or worse

It hurts when I do this.
Stop doing that!

Obviously, none of this is legitimate medical advice, but is it really much worse than what you'll find if you google "toenail infection"? Actually, mine might be better because there aren't pictures that make you gag.
(just a damaged nail from dropping things on it and discolored from nail polish or a tumor)

Advice sort of not taken

I signed up to let Jon Acuff bug me every day for a month about my dream. I’d like to say that I took every word to heart, followed his plan to the letter, and attain my goal, but that’s not how I work. I read every email, nodded in agreement, and then thought of at least 10 things I could do other than work on my goal. My mother says I have a special talent for “creative avoidance”.

My goal was not grand. I simply wanted to write more. If I could turn out one blog post a week, it would be a start. Instead, I took up new craft projects. I tried new recipes. I caught up on health checkups. I did not attack my goal. Then a funny thing happened. I checked my blog and I had accidentally written 5 posts before the end of the month instead of 4. (if you count this one, 6)

I was so confused by this that I had to sit down and figure out how it had happened. I determined that either Jon has magical powers that are sent via email, or the key problem in my not writing was not living my life in a way that gave me something to write about. 

It turns out that I needed to get out of my own head, stop focusing on what I wasn't doing, and try new things.  I don’t think I would have gotten there on my own. It took having something to creatively avoid. I should never underestimate my ability to do things backwards. 

Look it!

It seems I have been in the mood to breakdown my own crafting barriers this month. After my modesty success and lessons learned from painting canvas paper, I moved to the real thing.
I had already decided that I wanted some sort of quote for Nix' room. I polled friends, made a list, and Nix picked a lovely quote from Dr. Seuss that fits her well.
Step 1: The Design. This was the easy part for me. It was computer work and therefore easily changed.

Step 2. The Layout. I turned my original work into segments 8x10 pieces that would allow me to transfer the design to the canvas

Step 3 Transfer. After the gray base coat, I transferred the design to the canvas using graphite paper. This gave me an outline to follow, so it became more like paint by number.

Step 4 Paint. This was the part I was nervous about. It was a lot of words to fill in. Next time I must remember a smaller quote and a larger, less swirly font. It is hard to see here, but I went back after I was done with my original plan and add in silver swirls to the purple ones and purple highlighting to the letters.

Step 5 Hanging the finished project. I never expected it to look this good.

I am certain that people who have a knowledge of how these things should be done would pat my head and bless my heart upon close inspection, but Nix loves it and I am satisfied with it.
Next up is one for JD, which will hopefully glow in the dark.

Killing Cupid

It's that time of year again. Time to see how I will be tortured by Valentine's Day this year. In all fairness, it isn't just me this year. I captured this lovely headline.

It snowed everywhere. Here in Georgia we got 5 whole inches of a snow and ice mix and confined the entire city of Atlanta and the surrounding areas for most of the week. Typically, I enjoy snow days. I love having random days off with the kids. This is the second run of snow days for us. The school calendar already had this being a 4 day weekend, which means the kids went to school Monday and don't go back until Tuesday. We have all gone a bit stir crazy, but it is really cold out there and filled with other people who are stir crazy, so I also don't want to leave.

In addition to the weather, I have had personal horrors this week. Thanks to a couple of oral surgeries, more teeth pulled than I care to dwell on, and the combination of a small mouth and dentists with large hands, I have one of the most common phobias, The Dentist. I have a mini panic attack just talking about the idea of going. It is really far outside of my normal to react to anything like that, which I think makes it even worse. This week my "permanent" retainer detached from one side and stabbed my tongue. I had no choice. I had to go. I spent a good bit of Sunday and Monday randomly bursting into tears. It was pathetic. Rocky arranged for me to see Nix's orthodontist. They were beyond amazing. So understanding and quick. Rocky sat by my side the whole time. I felt like a complete failure because I had to have my husband drive me so that I'd stay, and I cried in front of a couple of people there. Rocky says I was amazing because I did everything they asked me to, I didn't balk, I didn't lose it in front of any kids, including my own. I cried when we got in the car, and my stomach has been taking the stress out on me in spurts all week. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit that this was harder for me than the year of the breast cancer scare probably because deep down I knew genetics was on my side with that one.
On the upside, I had a man who not only was understanding about my fear, but let me cry and held my hand and encouraged me even when I felt like a failure. Sadly, I am not getting even our normal weekly date with this man because he is in a jazz band. When he puts on his tux tomorrow night and goes to an incredibly romantic venue it will be without me because I don't crash weddings. I have gone into a lot of things being "with the band", but I draw the line at weddings the weekend of Valentine's. The kids are pushing for us to try the after Valentine's banquet at church again this year, but I'm understandably gun shy.
Update: JD got pink eye the day of the church banquet so by not signing up I saved myself the trouble of cancelling. Win!?

Snow Day Craft #2

I spent most of my creative juices on digital stuff because my computer keeps my lap warm, but I started going cross-eyed and found myself making things like this.

It was clearly time for a hands on craft. Before the storm, I bought some aluminum tape so that I could try out a how to from my favorite blog Epbot. 

My end game is to turn a ballet pointe shoe into the tin man, which will be awesome because I also want to make one into a ruby slipper. 

Baby steps first, so I tried a small box. 

First I glued on some things for texture. It was basically just what I could find quickly in my random craft stash. 

I don't have any cool metallic wax stuff to give it the added color, but it turned out pretty cute, especially for a first try.

This is a random thing to throw in, but I just went upstairs and saw JD doing his daily reading. He was on the air mattress we aired up just in case we had friends lose power and ended up hosting people. This is not the proper way to lay on an air mattress. I think we need out of the house.

Snow Day Craft #1

I don't know if you have heard, but we've been kind of snowed in a lot this winter , or at least a lot for Georgia. In addition to french toasting (that is my new term for buying milk, bread, and eggs before snow), I hit the craft store. I have a stack of fleece for cape making, but I am also trying a few new things.

I really enjoy playing around with words in Photoshop, but they never leave my computer. I decided it was time to stop being intimidated by paint brushes. I'm trying out a few different methods of getting my ideas on canvas.

 For this one. I tool my original PS file and turned it all white with a black stroke fx on the words. I then printed it onto my canvas paper, and did it paint by number style.

My first one turn out pretty from a distance, but the labor involved and the messiness of a close look bugged me. I really should have painted the whole thing brown and then used transfer paper to trace on the lettering to paint.

I decided that my next try would be simple. Something for JD. A Doctor Who quote. I gave him the choice of TARDIS blue or fez red. He went with his favorite color.
First, I laid out vinyl letters on a piece of canvas paper.

Then, I painted the whole thing fez red.

Next came peeling off the letters to reveal the white underneath.

Last, I sealed it. It turned out a lot better than I thought it would. I was really pleased. The only hard part was waiting on coats to dry.
Since I wasn't sure how it would work, I stuck to canvas paper, but I intend to try this on a real canvas. I may attempt to mount the ones I have done on paper to wood, but that will have to wait until we can drive on the streets again.
I'm not sure what I'll try next. I bought chalkboard paint and glow in the dark paint, so there is really no telling.
On deck right now is starting a big pot of chili. 

Scarred for Life

When I was about 4, I was playing around in my parents bathroom. This didn't happen often because their shower was where monsters and/or serial killers likes to hide. It was during the daylight hours at the time, so I was able to relax. While in there, I decided it would be a great idea to use my mom's Chapstick. I really went to town with it. I know this because what I had actually grabbed was lipstick, and my face looked like a murderous clown. In my youth I did not stop to think that I might have mistakenly used lipstick. I thought, red = blood, blood = hurt, hurt = pain. I am clearly about to die. To this day the smell of lipstick turns my stomach. It was a traumatizing moment in my life. My mother thought it was a funny little kid moment. I think she might have even made a picture. It wasn't until I was of age to start wearing lipstick and couldn't bring myself to use it, that the impact of the moment really came to light.

I tell this story to put context to my next line of thinking. Do you ever wonder what harmless random event of life will turn out to have traumatized your child?