Trick or Treating

Halloween this year is going to be a little different. Since Nix hit middle school, we are cutting her off. She still has a costume, but this year she'll be handing the candy out with me while the boys walk the neighborhood. I'm really looking forward to it, and I think she is too. It will be fun and maybe a little lesson in giving instead of receiving.
I just read an article about a town that has a law saying you can not trick-or-treat over the age of 12. The mayor says that people were tired of 6 foot tall "kids" coming to their door. He went on to say that in "his day" fathers told their kids when they were too old and didn't let them go out, but that is not happening any more. It was now up to local government to handle the problem.
The whole article made me sad. Did this town really have such a problem with this that they had to legislate common sense? Are parents no longer taking responsibility for their own children? There has now become an expectation for the government to control your children for you. The police of that town are now tasked with not only running down people trying to do real harm on that night, but also with carding kids in costumes.
I should probably note that I do agree that being a teen does make you too old to trick-or-treat. If you are old enough to go without your parents shadowing you, then you are too old to go out. At this point it is no longer trick-or-treating it is begging. Get a job and buy your own candy.
I noticed in the comments of the article there were a few suggestions on how to deal with over aged treaters. My favorite suggestion was to toss ketchup packages from a fast food restaurant into their bags instead of candy. This way they don't know who tricked them, just that they got tricked. It also cuts down on retaliation, which is the real reason we still give candy to the big ones. It is either that or sit up all night with your night vision goggles and a BB gun (not that I know anyone who would do that).

Sick Day Musings

I am in the early stages of a cold. I am trying to fight it off with rest, water, and airborne, but for now I am feeling pretty cruddy. I found myself wishing that I had a replicator like in Star Trek so that I could magically have some earl grey, hot (it's a star trek thing, go with me). In my case it would be "earl grey, hot with 2 sugars, vanilla cream, and decaffeinated, please." Did you catch the weird part? I mean aside from this imaginary conversation I am having with myself about Star Trek (cold medicine, remember?) I would say "please" to a computer. I'm also pretty sure I would follow with a "thank you" when the tea appeared. What does this say about me? Am I super polite or are manners so drilled into me that I would be polite to a brick wall without really thinking about it? I guess I do have my line though because I did not thank the microwave for making the tea I hot when I did fix a cup.
I'm going to take a nap now, thank you.

You Look Just Like...

I was very distracted today in Walmart by a man who looked just like a celebrity. I stared at him a moment too long and he caught me looking at him. I couldn't say anything because I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be flattered by the celebrity I thought he looked like. No one wants to hear, "Hey, you look just like Danny Devito".

Once a teenager blurted out that he thought Rocky looked like Kevin Smith, but taller and thinner and with shorter hair. So, basically he was saying that Rocky had dark hair and a beard, which he does, but Rocky did not take it well. He preferred it when people mentioned his resemblance to Charlie Sheen. Personally, I think he looks like the American version of Oded Fehr.

You always have to consider the source when dealing with celebrity look-a-likes. In Rocky's case the kid said "You look like that dude from Jay and Silent Bob. I can't remember which one he plays, but he  doesn't talk" This guy was not the brightest bulb in the pack, so I think the comment can be dismissed. I also like to exclude the person who told me I looked like Talia Shire. I call it just a weird reaction to finding out my husband's name. Still, it wasn't as bad as the guy in high school who said I looked like Chris Robinson if he were a girl. I am not sure what it says about the guy that he later asked me out. You'll be shocked to know that I turned that smooth talker down. My personal pick is the drunk girl who said Winona Ryder. She was only a little drunk and I am a skinny, pale, dark haired girl. Besides, Rocky agrees and he wouldn't lie.

Speaking of lying, have you ever heard someone say something like, "People say I look just like Tyra Banks", and you instantly want to reply, "People lie", or is that just me?

Fess up. What unflattering person have people said you look like? I promise not to laugh (in front of you) and if it helps you can also tell your most flattering.

The Name Game

My daughter has never been much for playing with dolls. She has a couple that she loves, a couple that are really special to her, and a few that are more like room decorations. However, her animal collection is huge. Her room would put any zoo to shame. Every single one of these animals has a name and no name is aloud to be repeated. After all, you wouldn't name your children the same thing. George Foreman would, but I think everyone realizes that this is not normal. Come to think of it, I did have two great uncles with the same name, but they were only half brothers which makes it only half weird.
I'm not sure how it happened, but I seem to be the official name giver in the house. I am asked to inspect the animal, get a feel for it's personality, and declare the perfect name. With the invention of the very affordable Littlest Pet Shop collection my job got a lot harder. It is one thing to come up with 2 cute names for lions (Leo and Lena- done), but it is another to come up with 15 different names for three inch tall dogs.

(not her actual collection, but close enough)

Right now you can walk in her room, randomly pick up any animal, and she can tell you exactly what their name is. As she is getting older the influx of animals has slowed a lot. I wonder how long it will be before the names start to fade. I know some will always be remembered because I still remember many of mine.
On a side note: Strawberry Shortcake dolls were always my favorite. They came with names. After the more recent release I noticed that they changed Raspberry Tart's name to Raspberry Torte. Probably a wise choice. I think Bratz has the tart market cornered right now.

It's My Passion

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me.”- Erma Bombeck

When I was a little girl I remember my mother making a point to watch any time Erma Bombeck was interviewed on television. She owned one of her books, which is really saying something because Mom was strictly a library kind of a girl. All I knew about Mrs. Bombeck was that she made my mother laugh and that was enough for me. Now that I am a wife and a mother myself I realize the really great thing about her writings were they let you know that you were not alone. From time to time, mostly when I am irrationally emotional over everything from a dirty sock in the floor to retro coffee commercials, I find myself deeply sadden that dear Erma is no longer with us. Can you imagine how fabulous her blog would have been?


Tonight I made the mistake of letting my husband fall asleep before me. While he was snoring rather loudly I was trying to remember a few easy remedies from an Erma book I read. I think they involved a brick and/or pillow suffocation. I began an internet search for, “Erma Bombeck sayings”, but instead of snoring jokes I found some of the most stirring quotes about following your dreams that I have ever read. To be completely honest, they made me cry. People usually talk about following your dreams as some sort of happy rainbow filled magic walk, but she talked about the fear, the exposure, and the risk. I felt called out and understood all at the same time. She pegged every bit of why I have never stretched myself for a dream and have always settled for what I knew to be in reach. She recognized how completely and utterly terrifying it is to step out on a limb and yet she was out there on the very end doing it anyway. That is some serious courage, my friend.

After all these years and all the times I have been asked what I want to be when I grow up, I finally have an answer. I want to be a real writer. (You can not even begin to imagine how hard that was for me to type. There were tears and shaky hands involved.) I’ve been playing at it for years and it may take years more to get it right, but at least it is out there in the open being grasped for with both hands.

Our generation has too many “real housewives” and not enough real housewives. We need someone who confesses to feeding their kids Pop-tarts to make us feel better about letting ours have Lucky Charms. Someone to let us know that we are not the only one who has wondered why our mini van smells only to discover a melted carton of ice cream that slide up under the third row sometime last week. These things keep us sane, and with the good Lord's help I want to be that woman. (May God help us all!)

And for those wondering about my oft mentioned tear jerking coffee commercial, here is my Achilles heel.

A Political Statement

I'm fairly opinionated and I don't mind telling you what that opinion is. Just try me. Actually I am pretty sure that not a single person who reads this will be surprised to know that I am pro-life or, if you prefer, anti-abortion. With most political issues I am more than happy to listen to another side of the argument. I will hear you out, and even consider your point. Abortion is the exception to this.
Today I shared a video first shared with me by my midwife friend Kate. It was of a woman who had survived a late term abortion. To her, abortion is personal. You can not look at her and say to her that one life is not worth birth. It would surprise me to know that people have tried, but I'm sure someone has.
In Europe you have to have a medical reason to have a late term abortion. This is more than just a mother's life being in danger, after all, late term babies are born healthy every day. This clause allows you to abort a child with a specific known birth defect. After reading that, a specific birth defect may have popped into your mind and a child born with that defect. If not, let me help you. I was born with a cleft palate which is a minor cosmetic birth defect. Cleft palates as well as other minor defects such as a club foot were on that list of reasons to abort. This makes the fight personal to me. Abortion doctors, in a way, have listed my life as not worthy. Not just my life but the life of every child born with Down Syndrome, a heart defect, dwarfism, and the list goes on and on.
Are you willing to tell me that my life doesn't matter? Are you willing to tell a mother that she was wrong to give birth to her child?
Many will say that this is an extreme and dark side to the issue used to gain favor, and to an extent they'd be right. It helps to put an innocent face on an issue like this. But if you can see the evil in this then at one point do you draw the line and say an act is no longer evil. Is denying a child life ever not wrong?
I have known mothers who have risked their lives and even a couple who have lost their life to bring a child into this world. They would tell you that aborting a child in favor of a mother's life is cowardly.

I have heard many rationalizations and justifications for abortion, but not one of them makes up for the fact that in every case of abortion the only innocent party is the one who is killed in the process.

Badges

We don't need no stinkin'... oh wait, yes we do!
After much debate JD has agreed to be Clark Kent for Halloween this year, but he will tell you it was not his idea. I'm okay with that since his idea was to wear a sign that said "I want candy". It was direct and pretty funny, but I fear my suburban neighbors might not think it was as funny as we did.
It is coming together pretty easily. I even found a Superman shirt on clearance in Kmart's online store. Someone (I think it was my mom) mentioned that he needed a press badge. You know I could not do that half way. I fired up google and photoshop. I think I will probably change the picture out before I print it up, but here is what it looks like.

I found the drawing of the Daily Planet building here.
I am so excited with how it turned out. I just can't wait to see it all come together. I'll post pics when we do the official try on.
Now I am thinking of making myself a Nerd Herd employee badge just for fun.

Ballet Shoes

Last week with much excitement and fan fair my daughter was fitted for her very first pair of pointe shoes. This is now the most expensive pair of shoes in our house. After paying for shoes, pads, ribbons..., they gave us a special bag to keep the shoes in along with an extra shoe. Our assignment is to decorate the extra shoe and then email in a picture for a design competition.  I did not squeal with girlish glee, at least not where it could be heard.
It has been so much fun talking out ideas this week. This morning I went on a craft store run to see about turning ideas into something feasible. We couldn't decide between cute or dramatic, so I found a way to do both.
This design was done with 75 cents worth of felt, a sharpie, and a quick google search. It is 100% removable, so after the picture was taken I was able to clear it off to get it ready for design #2.

I'm not sure that we will actually enter this one because of the questionable legality of it. If you are ever having a down day, google Hello Kitty images. You would not believe the things that her cute little likeness has been put on. I'm talking automatic weapons crazy.
There is little to no ballet pointe shoe art out there, and I can not figure out why. It is a great canvas, and after you wear out a shoe there isn't much else to do with them.
The next design is going to have to be more permanent. A glue gun will be involved, as will sequins and maybe even feathers.

Weird or Normal?

When I was young a family friend accused my family of being the real life version of "Leave it to Beaver". She meant it as both a compliment and as a way of saying our "normal" family wasn't really the norm anymore. We were the weird ones. I was thinking about this the other day and it got me to wondering if, now that I'm an adult, I still have a weird family. I'm not worried about it. Weird has always worked for me. Just, curious. I know a lot of the ways that the traditional American family is no longer normal, but there are a few things I'm not sure about.
Is it weird that we eat dinner together as a family the majority of nights and enjoy that time together?
Is there anything your family does that you thought was normal, but isn't?

Evils of My DVR

My parent's main VCR just died. This is a tragedy for them because they have yet to embrace dvr technology. A few years ago my brother and I went in together to get them a dvd player that also writes to discs in an attempt to wean them off the vcr, but it didn't really take.  I had a very funny/frustrating conversation with her about possible solutions to now only being able to record one thing at a time now.
With the arrival of the new fall tv schedule I have been setting our dvr to record the shows we love, and more importantly, the new shows we want to try out. My dvr has been humming every night. The good thing is that I can record a new show and if it turns out to be terrible I can delete it a few minutes and move on to the next thing on the list. Here is the bad thing. I have found myself presenting an "I read it for the articles" argument in regards to the show Glee. Lets' be honest, that show is completely morally bankrupt. The music is great, the singers are stunningly talented, but as far as the show beyond the music goes, I'm embarrassed that I've ever seen it. Aside from the questionable life choices that the main characters make, they are really hateful people with few, if any, redeeming personality traits. I caught myself having the thought that I could record it and just skip through to only watch the singing. Then is dawned on me that this exactly like the guy who says he reads Playboy for the articles. It may well be true, but in the mean time what are you exposing yourself and your household to? I have children in my house that know how to work the dvr. What was I thinking!? I'm usually so careful, especially about things like this. I was wooed by the dark side, but not any more.
I know a great number of my friends watch Glee and probably worse, and you may be reading this thinking I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. First of all, remember that one man's mole hill is another man's mountain. Secondly, no one has every accused me of caring what other people think of my opinion (she said lightheartedly) and if you find yourself mad about what I said please consider why you care.

Girly Rant

Please ignore this post because it is a selfish rant and serves no purpose other than to make me feel better.
Normally I love being a girl. we can like any color we want without fear of being ridiculed for it. Admit it, you secretly think there is something wrong with men who like pink. Girls can wear skirts and don't have to claim Scottish heritage to do it. Shoes alone are reason enough to love being a girl. Men get their choice of black, brown, or tennis. Girls get an endless stream of miniature works of art for our feet as well as ones designed to feel like tiny pillows are hugging our toes.
There is all that and so much more to love about being a member of the fairer gender, but today I am not seeing even one of these. Today I am dealing with the ugliness of womanhood. Things such as being expected to have lots and lots of hair, but only on your head. Here's a news flash, if a girl has lots of hair on her head then she is also working very hard to keep it from showing up everywhere else. Women are expected to not be fat with the exception of what she carries around up top. Hey World! It is thin hips OR a big chest, it is NOT both, and it is high time the fashion world started embracing this idea and stop making clothes to fit Barbie dolls. They only exist in California. This is Georgia!
Now lets get into the real  cause for this rant, hormones. I like to think I am a perfectly sane and reasonable rational woman on most days. Why, oh WHY then do I occasionally snap and start crying over coffee commercials? How does my mind dredge up every bad thing that has ever happened, every embarrassing moment, and every insecurity I have while I am simply brushing my hair one morning? More and more I realize that it is not the thoughts in a woman's head that makes her crazy, but how she reacts to those thoughts. I try to react by verbalizing it. When Rocky asks me what's wrong, instead of the standard "nothing", which we all know really means "everything", I just tell him, "I'm sad for no good reason today." 
The older I get the more physical problems go with the emotional. Today I have a headache, my stomach feels icky, and I am in a general state of blah, and it is all for no good reason other than I'm a girl and this is the price we pay for getting heels and lace and mascara and all the other fun girly things we have.
One last thing great about being a girl, this condition can all be eased with a healthy dose of chocolate. Lucky for me, and those around me, I bought a box of brownie mix on a whim last week.

Oedipus JD

When I was pregnant with JD and people told me that little boys are fun because they adore their mothers, I had no idea what I was in for. I never expected JD to go in full on competitions with Rocky for my affection. It is weird and sweet all at the same time. JD emulates his dad. Since Rocky is good about giving me compliments, JD is good about telling me when I look nice too. JD tells me I'm a wonderful mother and my heart melts. He has started taking out the kitchen trash without anyone asking him too. He is so proud of himself and always runs to tell me. I've joked about the trash being Rocky's job, and I'm wondering now if that is part of the reason Jack wanted to do it.  He works his way in between Rocky and me when we are sitting cozy on the couch and flashes that devious little grin of his. It is all very innocent and very funny. It's like he is in training to be a good husband. What is really fun is that for the first time ever, Rocky has competition. He is having to step up his game a bit to keep from being shown up by his own son.I think I can find a way to work this to my advantage. It has me wondering if all boys go through this phase or if JD is just a very advanced charmer.

Encouraging

Yesterday a friend of mine wrote about the National Day of Encouragement in her blog. I hate that I missed it on the actual day. It really drove home something I have been thinking about all weekend. I use to be pretty good about sending a card, writing an email, or baking a pie, but lately I have slacked off. I think I let myself get... busy. There was a time when I would think about sending a card and before the thought was finished I was addressing the envelope. For several years the kids and I have made brownies and taken them to the firehouse on 9/11, but I skipped this year. JD called me on it, which is what had the subject on mind to start with. I felt really terrible about letting it slide, and then I started thinking of all the other things I have let slide in the past couple of years. I am outright mad at myself. It feels like I have taken a spiritual gift and tossed it aside. Well, look out world because the candle has been lit again! Look for peppy messages, random acts of kindness, and all around encouraging thoughts flying out of me once more. I promise to do my best to avoid cheesiness.

Technically Sad

I thought a few might could use a laugh today.
The down side of having a jumbo tron is that from time to time the bulb blows and it becomes more of a modern art exhibit than a television. Fixing it isn't a big deal. It just takes a hundred dollars and time for the bulb to ship. In the mean time, Rocky needs to be able to keep up his P90X, so we moved our tiny portable tv/dvd player into the den. Instead of watching one of the other tv's in the house JD has taken to watching movies on the tiny tv. I could not resist taking a picture of him with the tiny tv in front of the jumbo tron.

Excuses, Excuses

Thanks to that blogging modern pioneer woman I have this great recipe for rolls. It involves buying those little frozen yeast rolls that you have to let rise. It is so good that I typically buy a giant bag of Kroger brand so I can make a batch of them (or monkey bread) whenever the mood strikes. I was going to have them for dinner tonight so I set the 4 that were left in the bag out to rise. Rocky was out of town tonight (he gets home in a couple of hours) and somehow I let the kids con me into fast food. As I was cleaning up tonight I saw those 4 beautiful rolls just sitting there waiting to be cooked. I couldn't let them go to waste. That would be wrong. There are starving children somewhere in the world. So I tucked the kids in and cooked the rolls. I couldn't just wrap them up for later. I'd forget about them. They are warm and buttery and smell so very good. When you think about it I really had no choice but to eat them. I still have one left, but I seriously doubt it will still be here when Rocky gets home.
If you go to try this recipe keep in mind that I have a very large amount of will power when it comes to food so the fact that I have just gone to the trouble to bake them for myself and eat all 4 of them should tell you how hard it is to resist them. Bake at the risk of your waist. Also, I don't own a cast iron skillet so I bake them in a cake pan. At Thanksgiving I bake them in a 9 x 13 with no problem. Just make sure you spray the pan.

The Results

I gave the pastor a kidney stone! Okay, not really, but last week the pastor had a near death experience with a kidney stone that he just happened to bring to church this week for show and tell. Also in the past couple of weeks, he had an encounter with a man who didn't like to go to churches that talked about the blood of Christ. This became the topic of the sermon. Lots of blood talk. He broke into song a couple of times and asked for audience participation. And, last but not least, he actually used the phrase "once saved always saved" (my parents are Methodist).
Now for the good parts. It was a great sermon! The pastor sang "Nothing but the Blood" and he has a fantastic voice. It was an uplifting reminder of why the blood of the lamb is so miraculous. Even the kidney stone story was more funny than gross. I can't remember the last time I heard so many deserved amening in a service. My parents enjoyed it! They liked the church. The eternal security pitch didn't phase them. My father even said he looked forward to their next visit. This church has passed the kid test and the parent test now. If we can find a Sunday School class for us, we might just be sold.

The Ulitimate Test

I can not recommend things to my parents. The minute I do there is some sort of curse that kicks in. Take for example television shows, if I suggest my parents might enjoy a show then the very next episode will feature something gross, sexually explicit, and/or large amounts of profanity. Just this week we were talking about how funny and cute "Good Luck Charlie" is. It is wholesome and innocent with surprisingly smart humor. The very next episode featured repeated jokes about the baby breaking wind, which is the exact opposite of smart humor.
If I suggest a restaurant, it is suddenly under new management, the food is terrible, and overpriced. After a string of things like this we no longer suggest movies, tv shows, restaurants, or churches to my parents. It is now officially a family running joke and I have found out that it works if my mother suggests something to her mother as well.
Now that we are looking for a church we are putting this odd streak to work for us. If we can visit a church with my parents and there is no "yelling in the spirit", interpretive dancing, or real wine passed around, to name a few possibilities, then we are probably safe. More than once Rocky and I have attended a church for a couple of months, loved it, joined, and then the spiritual other shoe will drop. My parents are our new weapon against that happening.
With this being a holiday weekend we are taking a double risk taking my parents with us today. You never know what a lesser holiday church service will involve. At least one way or the other, after church today we should have a better idea of what to expect from this group.

You Don't Belong Here

My first question is, why does our Kroger sell perfume next to the canned meat? Are there people whose shopping list says, "bread, tuna, something to make me smell like Brittney Spears, pop tarts, eggs..."?
Next question. Has the man who laid out the redesign of the Cumming Walmart been grocery shopping? Ever? Even the clerks are grumbling about it. They went to all the trouble of designing a snack section next to the dog food, but the cookies and crackers are not there. Cookies are across the row from cokes, which are not in the beverage section. Also not in the special new area labeled "beverages" by a rather large sign, is the coffee. It is with the tea and chocolate milk mix next to the wine and across from the beer. Really? Are they saying that if you buy coffee and nestles quick then you must also need to get liquored up? I'm not saying they are wrong, just questioning when we started saying it out loud. (Only kidding- My house is still as dry as ever). The really funny part to me is that under the huge sign hanging from the ceiling that marks the area as "groceries" is the detergent, an item that most doctors agree should not be eaten. Most of the new layout is just funny to me, but the egg placement is down right stupid. They put them in the milk case. Now when you are looking for uncracked eggs you have to hold a door open and can only reach about 3 different cartons of the kind you need. My dad suggested just taking out the ones with cracked eggs and setting them on the ground by the case until they get the point. This certainly explains why the Midway store seems to have gotten a lot more popular. The best thing I can say about the new design is that I like the yellow they picked for the wall color. It is much less depressing than the old gray.

Dishwasher Law

I am starting to realize that in most homes there is one person who is in charge of loading the dishwasher. In our house it is Rocky. We have an I cook, you clean thing going on which was handed down from Rocky's parents and I am eternally grateful. He doesn't freak out if I put dishes in, but I'm pretty sure he goes behind me and rearranges it before it gets run. It could be worse. I heard a rumor that my Uncle Bill has a diagram to follow, but that may have been friendly exaggeration.
For us, the emptying process is a little more complicated. There is an unspoken rule that if you have to unlock the clean dishwasher to get out something then you do not stop with just a spoon. You unload the whole thing. The main reasoning behind this is the second a dishwasher is unlocked the clean or dirty question gets called into play. The problem is that sometimes we are in a hurry and don't have time to empty the whole thing. We try to compromise by emptying just the top, or only the silverware, and someone will take what they need are re lock the dishwasher like they were never there. (Okay fine, it was me, but I went back later and emptied it)

My parents made me this cute little magnet to help. However, Rocky forgets to put it on and take it off, and JD thinks it is fun to randomly put it on. So, at least once a week we stand over the dishes looking for signs of dirt or water spots. We have gotten very good at it, and I'm pretty sure that is not a good thing.
Do you have dishwasher rules?

50/50

How many times have we been told that half of all marriages end in divorce? It is usually thrown at us as an excuse for a commitment phobic not to marry. Sometimes it is used as consolation when a marriage is ending. The other day it struck me that if half end in divorce then the other half end in happily ever after, or at least ever after. It is the glass being half empty all over again. The first time Nikki was asked if a glass was half full or half empty she asked if the glass was being poured or drunk from. To her it was a matter of perspective, and I think the marriage thing is the same way. For years people have used it as an excuse not to marry, but I think it is high time we claim a 50% success rate. It is certainly better odds than you get in the lottery. When you think about it, we accept these odds in other areas all the time. Half of all children are below average, but we don't consider that as a reason not to have children. On a similar note, half of all pregnancies are unplanned. That is creating a whole new life, but I don't see people not having sex over it.
Speaking of statistics, the counties around here have those seat belt signs that let you know what % of people wore their seat belts last month. Rocky pointed out to me that the police don't usually check for that unless they are pulling you over for drunk driving. So really aren't we just saying that 96% of our drunks remember to buckle up before they cause half of all fatal wrecks? Is this really something to brag about?