I was reading in 2 Corinthians the other day. in chapter 12, and I suddenly felt a new kinship with Paul. He had been begging God to take away a "thorn in his side". There was some sort of problem that Paul had that seriously limited him. It seems so odd to think of someone we now know of as an enviable man of God feeling held back because of a limitation. The man's writings have continued to hold an important place in Christianity for 2,000 years. People use his words everyday to explain the very basics of salvation. How could this man have ever considered himself limited in what he could do for Christ? Then, I was reminded of my week. The time I spent not feeling well. Mostly, the time I spent frustrated that I wasn't doing what I felt like needed to be done. During that time I used my computer and my skills/talents to work on photographs for friends, graphic work for church, written words of encouragement to others, and a list of other things that I was considering nothing all because I wasn't getting done what I wanted to get done. I am sitting here realizing now that I actually accomplished a lot. I made a difference to several people. I contributed because God has granted me a skill that works around my shortcomings. Maybe it is okay to not be okay. Not being okay gives me opportunities to do things I wouldn't if I wasn't having to rest.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."
Paul had asked for his problem to be removed three time. I think I have got him beat on that front (by a lot). But like Paul, I don't think my issues are going anywhere. If it served God's purpose for me to be healed, I would be. There is not a single doubt in my mind that I could wake tomorrow and never have another stomach issue again. The thing is though, my weakness IS serving a purpose. The strength of God is made clear every time I carry on. I will be up tomorrow, at church, doing what needs to be done even though I am awake at 2 in the morning writing to distract myself from the sharp pain that woke me. It will be God's strength carrying me through, God's gifts to me that will allow me to do things even from bed when I get home and inevitably collapse onto my bed to give in to my physical weakness.
I try not to go on about my digestive disorder too much, part because no one would really want details of what goes on with that (ew, trust me), but also because I don't want people to think it is a daily horror show. I forget how much I have adjusted to all the things that go on until I am around people who don't have to consider every bite they take or make a sort of escape plan for every outing they try to go on. The truth is, the life I have gotten fairly use to is limited. It is actually significantly limited. I just don't like to think of it that way. I'm not dying. I'm not having to go through awful medical treatments. I have adjusted to the diet and discomfort for the most part. This is just my life. Why depress people with how much my daily life differs from theirs? But today, with this post, I am bringing it up because I want you all to know that every time you see me working, getting things done, having fun, being around people, eating food, or writing, it is because God's grace sees me through. His strength is what holds me up. I know because the second He doesn't need me strong, I am a puddle of weak. I am honored He has taken the time to find a use for me around the frailty this world laid on me.
Case in point, it is now 3 am, my pain is easing and I have a new blog post to show for it. What did you do between 2 and 3 in the morning?
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