I am weak, but He is strong

 I was reading in 2 Corinthians the other day. in chapter 12, and I suddenly felt a new kinship with Paul. He had been begging God to take away a "thorn in his side". There was some sort of problem that Paul had that seriously limited him. It seems so odd to think of someone we now know of as an enviable man of God feeling held back because of a limitation. The man's writings have continued to hold an important place in Christianity for 2,000 years. People use his words everyday to explain the very basics of salvation. How could this man have ever considered himself limited in what he could do for Christ? Then, I was reminded of my week. The time I spent not feeling well. Mostly, the time I spent frustrated that I wasn't doing what I felt like needed to be done. During that time I used my computer and my skills/talents to work on photographs for friends, graphic work for church, written words of encouragement to others, and a list of other things that I was considering nothing all because I wasn't getting done what I wanted to get done. I am sitting here realizing now that I actually accomplished a lot. I made a difference to several people. I contributed because God has granted me a skill that works around my shortcomings. Maybe it is okay to not be okay. Not being okay gives me opportunities to do things I wouldn't if I wasn't having to rest.

         "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."

Paul had asked for his problem to be removed three time. I think I have got him beat on that front (by a lot). But like Paul, I don't think my issues are going anywhere. If it served God's purpose for me to be healed, I would be. There is not a single doubt in my mind that I could wake tomorrow and never have another stomach issue again. The thing is though, my weakness IS serving a purpose. The strength of God is made clear every time I carry on. I will be up tomorrow, at church, doing what needs to be done even though I am awake at 2 in the morning writing to distract myself from the sharp pain that woke me. It will be God's strength carrying me through, God's gifts to me that will allow me to do things even from bed when I get home and inevitably collapse onto my bed to give in to my physical weakness.

I try not to go on about my digestive disorder too much, part because no one would really want details of what goes on with that (ew, trust me), but also because I don't want people to think it is a daily horror show. I forget how much I have adjusted to all the things that go on until I am around people who don't have to consider every bite they take or make a sort of escape plan for every outing they try to go on. The truth is, the life I have gotten fairly use to is limited. It is actually significantly limited. I just don't like to think of it that way. I'm not dying. I'm not having to go through awful medical treatments. I have adjusted to the diet and discomfort for the most part. This is just my life. Why depress people with how much my daily life differs from theirs? But today, with this post, I am bringing it up because I want you all to know that every time you see me working, getting things done, having fun, being around people, eating food, or writing, it is because God's grace sees me through. His strength is what holds me up. I know because the second He doesn't need me strong, I am a puddle of weak. I am honored He has taken the time to find a use for me around the frailty this world laid on me.     

Case in point, it is now 3 am, my pain is easing and I have a new blog post to show for it. What did you do between 2 and 3 in the morning?

My hope is built on nothing less

I know I kind of left you hanging on that last church post, and I have wanted to update, but so much of starting a church is waiting that there hasn't really been enough to post about until now.
We did vote to start, we have been admitted into a local association, and we finally picked a name.
We are Hope Fellowship, a Southern Baptist Church.
To pick the name we opened it up for suggestions, and like everything else so far, a common thread appeared. Well over half of the suggestions contained the word "fellowship", and the next most mentioned word was "hope". It wasn't a small number. Since church people are notorious for not being able to harmoniously pick a carpet color, it is kind of a small miracle that we managed to pick a name so easily. To go with our new name, we picked this verse from Psalms

Next, we have a mission statement. Typically speaking, church mission statements can get kind of wordy and a bit hard to follow. Instead, we wanted something that boiled it down to what it is that the church needs to be about. This is what we got.

That's it. The whole thing. Love God, others, and the lost. All the work that the church needs to do falls under one. or more, of those things.
Our newest fun little line up has been location. It isn't easy to find a place that can function as a church especially when you have barely a months worth of history to your name. After a bunch calls and several scouting trips, we found a local school that could rent to us. It wasn't the first place on our list. In fact, I think it was at the bottom of the list we started with. That's where God comes in again. This school is in a corner of the county that has a ton of neighborhoods but no churches. They have struggled to get sponsors for the school because it isn't near businesses. Compared to the other schools in the area, their extras budget is very low. They need us, just like we need them. The principal is a former preacher's kid herself, and beyond thrilled to be having a church lease space. Once again, everything fell into place better than we planned.
It hasn't all been sunshine and roses. Starting a church is hard. We've had friends who needed to step away. We've hit roadblocks. Patience and flexibility tested. But, at the end of each day, hope and unity have continued to win out.

House Rules and Vacation Pictures

Last week, JD had his big 8th grade field trip. When I was a kid this meant something like we were loaded on a bus to drive to see a community theater play and were home by the time school was out. What this means here is that kids go to Savannah for three days on charter buses. Since Nix had also been on this trip it meant that Rocky and I were the only ones in the house who hadn't ever been to Savannah. We decided that this was not right, and made arrangements to pick up JD in Savannah instead of him riding the middle school bus home.
Nix had just freshly finished her first year of college, and was still in that mode of meeting with friends, job hunting, and general unwinding, so she opted to stay home alone with the cat. Since this was the first time she had been left at the house overnight, I felt it was important to leave her with a few house rules. She mostly followed them all.

While in Savannah, I got a chance to play with my camera a bit.
I took typical touristy pictures.

And, I took pictures of random things that just pleased me.

Savannah is a beautiful town full of history and character that you don't find in many places in the South. I think I could spend a week just walking around, sitting in parks, and soaking in the beauty of it all.
Although the trip itself was an overall wonderful experience, it just wouldn't be "us" if things didn't go wrong. JD came home with a sinus infection and a weird rash from some sort of mystery botanical irritant, and we all have sunburns because the weatherman was wrong, which gave us unexpected time to enjoy the beach. Thankfully, our hotel was close to Walmart because, in spite of being on vacation, I still managed to need something from there every single day. There is just no escaping it.

Another week, another sign

I hadn't planned on posting again this week, but life has been full of things I didn't plan lately, so I am just going to run with it while the mood is striking.

Last week I talked about a rather amusing literal sign on the wall pointing to my post from the week before that. This week I had a different type of sign. 

The group of us meeting to consider starting a new church were all asked to write down a couple of reasons why we did or did not want to start a church. Then, we were going to discuss those tonight, and get a better idea of what we were talking about. Our family sat down and came up with a good list, and then I condensed it into one statement to share with the group. I went in tonight assuming that either I would read that statement or Rocky would, but something kind of amazing happened that changed that.

Our main speaker stood up with opening remarks (if we were a church this would be our pastor, and by remarks I really mean sermon). I marked a couple of things off our list because he covered those points. As people came forward to share what God had laid on their hearts this week, one right after another checked off the rest of our list. In a room of a hundred people, not once was a point raised that made someone stand up and disagree. I don't know how many church meetings you have been to, but in my experience this is a rare event. 

Although no official declarations will be made until after we meet next week, I feel less like this will be a group starting a new church, and much more like us joining a church that God started long before we were aware of it. 

The only thing on my list not shared was a word that has been turning over in my head all week. Sanctuary. It is a word that has gone out of vogue and shelved for the crime of being too churchy. I think for a long time it was used as a name for a room where the choir sung, the preacher talked, and people tired to sleep upright in pews without getting caught. What sanctuary actually means is a sacred place of refuge in a consecrated building set apart for holy worship. Could there be any better word to describe what I am looking for? 

Another definition is a holy place of asylum, which tickles me because the pastor said that the one thing we needed most to succeed (other than God, of course) was to be committed. Committed to an asylum sounds about right for my family.  

The one thing Rocky did add to the open discussion was our family's list of personal costs. These are things that we have to expect will be required of us, and things we need to decide as a family if we are ready for. After talking them out we realized that it is a simple list of basic requirements that are at the same time a tremendous responsibility that we can't commit to only halfway. It is a good list to check yourself with regardless of where you worship.

• We have to tithe without fail
• We will have to prioritize attendance
• Serving will not be optional
• Our prayer lives and Bible study will need to be solid
• We will have to be okay with trial and error
• We need to be ready to open our home. 

  The list seemed almost too easy until I started thinking about the number of times we have slack on one or completely failed at another. Now it seems daunting. Daunting, but totally worth it because it challenges us to be where we should have already been anyway. 

Be careful what you wish for

This post will not make a whole lot of sense if you didn't read my last one. To sum up, I talked about rocks and church and a craving I have for simplicity and honesty. This week I found myself sitting in a room with a group of people where the topic was how many of us were feeling that same pull. I want to be completely clear that this meeting was not my idea in any way. I did not suggest it, organize it, or set the tone at all. I was merely one of the people who showed up. It turns out that just as Rocky and I were getting uncomfortable where we were, several others were also feeling called into some sort of action. Those of the group that are of the organizing sort, got us all in the same room.
I am not typically one for looking for signs, but I couldn't help but laugh when I looked around this room and saw this.

That is literally a sign talking about the types of rocks. And, what is at the top?  Obsidian! It has been less than a week since I said that I wanted to take the fire I had burning and form some obsidian. What are the odds? I seriously do not get superstitious. I am not at all implying that God hung that poster in that room to speak directly to me as a way to say I was on the right path. I am pretty sure that a teacher hung it because it ties in with the class lessons and is a good teaching tool. What I am saying is that it made me smile. It reminded me of why I was there. Seeing it calmed me, and I am thankful for little things that surprise you like that. 
As a result of the meeting, I have made a commitment to pray about the road ahead. A commitment to spend the next two weeks really searching for God's direction for our family, and what we are called to do. To be specific, are we led to create a new church? Scary words. If God is not in it but we try anyway, then we are doomed to fail before we begin. If God is in it and we decline, then we will not be satisfied anywhere else. I can not say for certain what will happen, but when I step back and look at all the parts that were moved into place in just this one week, I am excited to see what God is going to do with two.

What kind of rock?

This week our pastor preached a sermon about what an ideal New Testament described church would look like. He wasn't wrong at any point, but I don't think I got the message he meant to give. My brain took a left turn. The scripture he started with was from Matthew 16:18, which says in part, "upon this rock I will build my church". For those of you who knew me as a kid, you might remember that I was a bit of a rock nerd. I still enjoy a good gem and mineral show. Rock identification was my "sport". So, when the statement of "upon this rock" comes up, my brain defaults to "What kind of rock is it?" What kind of rock is your church built on? Is it a sedimentary rock made up of layers of a bunch of things that settled together? Weak, with lines of division?  Is it a metamorphic rock that has changed under the pressures and influence of the world? Or, is it more like the igneous rock, forged in the fire of a volcano to bring about something hard and new from ashes?
This is not even close to what the sermon was on, but because my brain took this turn, I began to think through how we "do" church. What the modern church looks like verses what the Bible calls the church to be. I thought through some of the churches of the Bible that were doing things the wrong way as well as the ones that were doing it right, which lead me to some hard thinking that I am still pondering over. I think my goal in writing this out is to see if anyone else has wrestled with this, and where you came out, or to give comfort to anyone who struggles now to know you aren't alone.
So, here goes.
What if we are doing church wrong?
What if instead of bringing people in so the pastor can tell them about Jesus, we equipped our church members to go out and witness to people themselves?
What if instead of telling people they should serve, we expected everyone to serve? If you have been in church long at all you have probably heard the 80/20 rule. There are 20% of the people doing 80% of the work. Why? Shouldn't membership come with an expectation of contribution? And that is both financial and service. Every other club requires dues and service hours. Why are we okay giving that to the Beta Club but not to God?
What if instead of handing people a standardized aptitude test with spiritual buzzwords to "find your spiritual gift" Buzzfeed style, we actually encouraged and instructed people on recognizing where God has blessed them with talent?
What if instead of worship wars (that is where you fight over music), everyone picked their top ten favorite songs that inspire them to a meaningful worship of God? Then, even when you were forced to sing a song that annoyed you, you would know that one of your church family was getting to enjoy one of their favorite songs making it harder to be upset if you truly love your family.
What if instead of trying to make a production out of church we just came in,  sat down, and studied God's word in a way that compelled us to mature?
What if we stopped treating children like they wouldn't understand what the grownups are talking about, and invited them into the service to worship and learn beside their family? After all, what's harder to understand, the book of Psalms or Shakespeare? We make kids read the bard in school, but don't require them to read the poetry of David because it might not seem relevant to them? You underestimate your child and the thirst for the knowledge that is found in real Bible study.
What if we stopped trying to be relevant and were just boldly honest? Honest about the good, honest about the bad, and unflinchingly honest about what God wants us to be.
What if instead of being hypocrites we told the truth? Instead of fake smiles and pretty words when life gets hard we told our church family that marriage is hard or money is tight or that I struggle with a specific sin every single day of my life.
What if instead of events and parties and socials we had prayer meetings and outreach and mentoring where no one brought food? That's right, I said without food!
I have attended some great churches, but if I am being honest, I have never been to that church.
I am in no way saying there is anything wrong with food or fun or even buzzword heavy programs (well, maybe that last one is a little wrong), but what I am saying is that all of that needs to take a back seat to cultivating maturity, discernment, and service among the people who commit to being part of the body of Christ.
What am I going to do with this fire that was lit in me? I hope I can help turn a little ash into obsidian.   

New Craft!

Normally I post about the horrors that have fallen on my family for Valentine's Day, but I thought I'd go a different direction this year. I was in Hobby Lobby yesterday picking up a specific doohickey for a specific project, but somehow found myself in the jewelry making section where I discovered a sudden need to make Nix a Valentine's Day present.
I wanted to make tags for a necklace, and I wanted the tags to have a couple of key words from Bible verses. The thought was that when Nix gets fidgety and starts to play with the necklace, the words will trigger the memory of the whole verse, which will then calm her spirit and ease the stress.
First up is "Be Still" Psalm 46:10
"Be still, and know that I am GOD"
I paired it with a compass because I know that one of my biggest struggles in seeking God's direction is just being still and waiting for God to set the path.

Next up is "By Grace" Ephesians 2:8
"For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of GOD"
This one is just a good standard reminder. We have been given a gift of salvation. We can't be good enough to deserve it, or bad enough to lose it once we accept it. It has a cross charm with it to be reminded of what giving that gift cost God. 

Last is "But God" 2 Chronicles 20:15
"Do not be afraid or dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God's."
I bet you were expecting something different there. The phrase "but God" is actually used closed to 50 times in the Bible. Over and over we see men making bad plans, but God stepping in to fix it. We see people intending harm, but God showing up for protection. We see the world falling, but God sending His Son. The phrase "but God" shows love, mercy, protection, grace, guidance, strength, life, and resurrection! It is paired with an anchor because life will toss us about, but God is our anchor.
  

I recently heard someone say that obtaining craft supplies and using them are two different skills. This is definitely the case here. A few years ago I bought a cheap set of metal letter presses from Harbor Freight with the idea of trying this at some point, but just never did. Seeing a set of tag blanks on clearance reminded me of them, and set me on a mission to get it done. I am very pleased with the results. If you want to do it "the right way", craft stores have a small section of proper tools and kits to make it all come out perfect and even, Since I am not perfect or even, I think I will stick to my cheap tools for now.

For those of you who are dying to know, yes a family member did have to visit the hospital today, but for a pretty basic test and nothing too scary, I did have a stomach issue hit me during the middle of the concert I took Rocky to, but I survived without having to leave early, and the flu has been in our house, but seems to be clear now. The day isn't over, so I am not prepared to let my guard down just yet.

Chasing Peace

Hear my cry, O God;

Attend to my prayer.

From the end of the earth I will cry to You,

When my heart is overwhelmed;

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For You have been a shelter for me,

A strong tower from the enemy.

I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;

I will trust in the shelter of Your wings.

Psalm 61: 1-4

If you have followed along in what I have now affectionately termed "Adventures of a Wholesome College Girl", you know that Nix has had an impressively weird college life. Who gets flooded out of their dorm because a guy down the hall sets fire to his bed with a vape pen? My daughter, that's who. That hasn't even been the half of it. Really, if she were less wholesome I could turn it into a script and sell it to the CW.
This being the first week of classes for the new semester, she was determined to start it off in a much better place. Then life happened. It wasn't anything horrible or even all that dramatic, but it was enough to give her trouble sleeping and the fear that her life was doomed to be one complicated mess after another. 

Last night, I was talking with her, and it dawned on me that what has really happened is that her peace has been taken from her. Peace is one of those wonderful things that is promised to come from living a godly life. Not easy, not simple, not free from pain, but peace in the midst of the bad. We needed to stop looking at it problem by problem, and start looking for time to be at peace. That is when I said one of those things that I can't take credit for. It just came out of my mouth when I needed it to. "Honey, peace isn't going to just happen. You are going to have to chase after it, and grab it. It is there, but you won't finding it mired in the what if's and second guessing." 

To be honest, I almost had to sit down and cry because I realized that I have not been chasing peace either. Here we are letting the mac truck of trouble run us over time and again without bothering to stand up and get out of the road. 

This morning I sat down with the intention of finding a word about peace. Very quickly I was taken to this beautiful psalm. I sent it to Nix right away, and then set to work turning it into a picture to meditate on. 

One of the words that stands out to me is "abide". I wish we still used it. It is so much stronger of a word than something like stay or live. It is a word that reminds me that I can be filled with the Spirit of God at all times, and part of that means being filled with peace. It is a cool deep breath that soothes my soul. I know I am going to have to make a daily effort to chase down peace, but I look forward to the change in me that will bring.

Isn't it funny how ministering to someone else's needs can lead you to the place you didn't realize you needed so badly? God can be really interesting in His methods sometimes. 

The Legend of the Christmas Corn Dog

This was a bit of an unusual Christmas for our family, to say the least. My grandmother, Rixie the 2nd, has been in bad health requiring a few trips to the hospital since October. Thankfully, she is on the mend now, but Christmas was done in shifts this year. Between the hospital visits, my mother, Rixie the 3rd, had a reoccurring sinus infection. It is safe to say that Christmas decorating was the very last thing on the minds of my parents.
When we got into town we had two main missions. For me to restore a touch of normal to the house through cooking and doing laundry, and to get the house decorated for Christmas. I took advantage of my cousins' well timed visit, and got them to help us with the tree. When it came time to add the tree topper, there was an odd addition to the star's box. It looked like a wooden corn dog. We looked at it, scratched our heads for a minute, but went on with the job.
The star had a springy sort of bottom that did not want to balance on top of the tree. As soon as I got it somewhat secured, it would start to lean. It was getting really frustrating, and then a long buried memory came flooding to the front of my brain.

Bring me the Christmas Corn Dog!

Years ago my father had noticed a hole in the top of the tree just the right size to slide a dowel into. He turned a piece of wood to match the size and length of the spring on the star.

It slide right in, and blended in perfectly. I put the star on, where it stood perfectly level and steady all through Christmas.

Leave it to our family to come up with something both confusing and ingenious all at the same time.

Non-toxic

There has been a ton of talk lately about sexual harassment, and part of me hates to add to the ever growing list, but I have something positive to bring to the table.
As is my family tradition, I must start with "Everything is okay, but..." Nix recently experienced a difficult situation with a young man being inappropriate in how he engaged with her. Can you tell I'm trying to make this not sound scary? On paper it sounds pretty bad. We had to file reports and talk with officials to get it to stop, but it has stopped. We never had serious, imminent fear for her safety. We more had concern that this guy desperately needs mental health intervention, and reporting was really the only way to encourage that. Plus, I watch a lot of Criminal Minds and if this kid turned out to snap, I didn't want it to be around my kid.
It has been a true learning experience for all of us. A big part of it was trying to figure out at what point does sharing God's love for someone stop looking like compassion and start being you taking serious steps away. I actually had to stop one of the interviews Nix did to explain this concept to the interviewer. That she let this go on because, as a Christian, when we see someone in pain, we want to help, even at our own disadvantage. In the end, the God given instinct of fear overwhelmed any good she was capable of. I am beyond thankful to say that the interviewer accepted this reasoning and completely changed her approach going forward.
So, now that I have explain what happened in completely vague terms (sorry, I hate vague), I'll get to my point.
While all this was going on, the gentlemen at the Baptist Collegiate Ministry (BCM) went above and beyond to keep my girl safe. They took turns walking her to her car, taking her to the bus, giving her rides, running interference, taking the guy aside and engaging him in prayer and Bible study apart from her, and even standing guard over a door while she sat in a back room trying to submit evidence to the campus police (I know that last one sounds scary, but it really is a "better safe than sorry" type thing). Every single one of these things was done with no intention other than keeping her safe. Not one of the guys who stepped up ever took advantage of the situation. Not even a little.  She always felt safe with them. She was never worried about one of them hitting on her, or getting the wrong idea as they walked her to her door. These are the men we hope we raise our sons to be.
With all of the day's talk of toxic masculinity, I am proud to tell you how I have witnessed non-toxic masculinity at work. My daughter might not "need" a man to keep her safe, after all she does carry a high powered taser, but even still, it is nice to know that there are guys out there that still embrace that protective instinct in a very positive way. It adds an extra level of security, and peace of mind for me.

If you have questions about our process for reporting the issue, what the experience was like, who we had to talk to, or what the results were, please feel free to message or email me. If this experience can in any way help someone else take steps to ensure their safety, I am glad to share.

5 Steps to a Better Facebook Feed

I have noticed another round of people becoming aware of the need for privacy settings on Facebook. I have had numerous friends ask me how I filter my feed. I not only control who sees what, but I also control what I see from other people. It is surprising how much more peaceful and useful Facebook becomes when you filter things properly. I finally had time to sit down and make a tutorial with pictures. It is super easy.
Step 1
Locate your master friends list

 Step 2
Create lists to group people into. Facebook has a couple of defaults you can use such as close friends, local friends, and acquaintances. I have added to that a good bit to include a group for church people, geeky people, only women, and a few other categories that have been useful.

Step 3
Now click the spot where is says "See all friends" and use the drop down box to put each friend into the boxes you want them in. This doesn't take as long as it might sound. I probably did all of mine in less than a half hour.

Step 4

When you post, there is a box asking you which group of friends you want to post to. This probably takes the most getting use to. Normally, mine stays on "close friends" and only about 25 people see it. When I do switch to a different group, I have to remember to change it back for the next post. Another thing that is handy about this is there is a tiny icon that goes with the categories. Public is a globe, close friends is a star, local is a map point, and various other things. When you start to notice those, you can tell what settings other friends have used for their posts. I avoid posting on public posts, which is funny, because when I post about this I will probably make it public. 

Step 5
This is how you filter what you see from others. There are 3 little dots in the corer of every post. Click there for a drop down box. There is an option there to unfollow without unfriending. This means you don't see what they post, but you haven't unfriended them either. This comes in handy for those relatives that are still posting 3 year old memes, "only 10% of people will repost...", and outrage over satirical articles. There is also an option to just see less of the specific type of post. So, if you have a person posting game updates all the time, you can hide the game entirely. I haven't seen a Facebook game notice in at least a year. It is lovely.

There it is, 5 simple steps to a happier facebook feed. I know it takes a little time, but it is well worth it.

One little bonus tip, you can actually select to only see the feeds from a specific group of friends. All you do is go back to the friend list page from step 2 and click on the list you want to see. It will automatically filter your feed.

Big, BIG news

The past 12 hours has brought some rather unexpected news to our home.

Last night, Nix confessed to something she had been keeping a secret. Over the summer, we attended special Monday night church services with several different guest speakers. During one of these nights, Nix became convicted that she had not fully given her life to God. That night, she had asked God for help. She accepted Christ into her heart, and has felt a beautiful change come over her. As a person who remembers her first profession of faith and baptism, I didn't want to question her faith, but I knew that the fruits had just not been there. She tried, but the good seemed a passing phase while there was anger taking root. I feared for her as she was about to enter college, and then all of that changed. Not just her actions and attitude, but also my worry seemed to fade. Now I know why. She told us last night because she knew she needed to make it public and be baptized. She had backed out of saying something a few times. She was worried how we would take it. Would we accuse her of lying about her faith up until now? Would we understand? How could she explain? All of that doubt and worry were put to rest very quickly, and we helped her make a plan to walk forward today and publicly profess her desire to follow Christ. 

During our time talking, JD was uncharacteristically quiet. I looked at him, smiled, and basically said, "It's okay. You can say it. I already know." It all came spilling out. He didn't remember accepting Christ. He had no memory of his baptism. Because he has always been in church, he knew what to say, how to act, and what it should look like, but it wasn't touching his heart. He had doubts. Big giant doubts. Since Nix had just poured out her testimony to us, I shared my own, and then Rocky shared his. JD sat in silence knowing that he had nothing to share. We made it clear to him that this was between him and God, not us. He could not just say the magic salvation words, mainly because there is no such thing, but also because this needed to be serious business between him and God, and done for no other reason than wanting a true and complete relationship with Christ. He wasn't ready to make any decisions. You can probably guess how well I slept last night. The day before I thought I had two kids on a righteous path, seeking God, and all headed towards Heaven. To have that now called into question left me restless in the worst way. As I laid there trying to sleep at 12:30, I felt a sudden pull to go pray at the foot of JD's bed. I obeyed, but walked away confused not knowing why. This morning, I found out why. When I went up, JD had only been asleep maybe 10 minutes. He had been up praying to God to guide him into salvation. JD asked God to forgive his sinful life, asked for the Holy Spirit to come into his heart, and fully committed to following Christ. 

This morning, my kids walked up together before a congregation that they only knew a few of, to a pastor they had never met, and told him that they had both accepted Christ and wanted to make it public this morning.
I don't think proud is the right word for how I am feeling. Overjoyed, relieved, or happy doesn't cover it either. I think I am just very full of all the good emotions available. More than anything I am thankful. Thankful that God caught what I missed. Thankful that He moved my kids, and cared for them more than I ever could. Thankful for the salvation of my entire home. 

You Found Us

With my daughter off at college, I have taken up a new hobby. Cyber stalking all the new people she meets. Kidding! Sort of. I like putting a face to a name, and my kid isn't one of those girls who takes pictures of new friends or daily activities or food. (not complaining on this point) I only look up public social media information. Interesting side note, kids today are pretty good about locking down the security on their accounts, their parents, not so much. I always learn more about people from their mother's facebook page than I do from their own activity. At the moment, my son is still pretty hard to track down info on. His name is generic enough to confuse google searches, and he has none of the expected social media accounts. My daughter, well, she has my distinctive first name which means, if someone searches her, they will end up finding me and this blog. I did a quick search to see if there was anything horribly embarrassing. I didn't find anything too bad, and I feel it is my responsibility to correct that oversight. So, without further ado, I present:

 "A letter to the person google searching my kid"

Congratulation! You have hit the mother load of information here. If you want to, you can now scroll through several years in the life of our quirky little family, and musings of the mother of the kid you are looking into. OR, I could save you a little time and sum things up for you.
- God is at the center of our family. It is why we are still happily married, why we are never free on Sundays or out too late on Saturdays, and the first reason why we don't really fit into the "normal" box. We strive to be faithful and committed followers of Christ. We do have friends outside of those we go to church with. We aren't isolated amish type people. We are just serious about our faith.
- We were geeky before being a geek was socially acceptable. I have worn a costume for occasions other than Halloween. I have been to conventions (yes plural). I have stood in line for tickets to a premier showing of a movie that started with the word "Star" more than once. Most of the art work in our house has something nerdy about it. We try to dial it back when we meet new people, but sooner or later you will see us in a t-shirt you don't understand and we will make a Harry Potter joke that we don't realize not everyone was also thinking.
- We aren't very social. We have friends. We get out. We do things. We just aren't the type to throw parties. I have never been clubbing. We haven't ever vacationed with people who aren't family. I can't even think of anything else social people might do, which should paint a pretty good picture of how little we get out.
- Our family is very close. We do our best to share at least one meal a day with each other during which we share about our lives and laugh a lot. Our conversations are rarely boring because we are the type of people who will say that weird thought out loud. Just yesterday JD asked, "What would be the worse song to play at a funeral?" This was followed by each of us suddenly interrupting other topics to name another song. My husband won with "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead".
If anything you have read here, or elsewhere on the blog, concerns you, you might want to run now. If your kid has become attached to one of my kids, relax, we are good people. We are quirky, but mostly the harmless fun kind of quirky. I hope we get to meet face to face one day, but if we do, I promise to overlook you knowing things you shouldn't, like our cat's name, if you overlook my knowing where your last vacation was.    

Define "Substantial'

More often than not, I strive to write with a bit of humor and a lighthearted take on whatever is going on. This is not going to be one of those posts. This goes more under the heading of an uncomfortable look at reality.
Recently, I have noticed a lot of articles being shared on social media about Iceland's excitement over "ending" Down Syndrome. Since it is a chromosomal abnormality, their method of "curing" this is actually just killing everyone they suspect might have it before they are born. Their only regret seems to be that they occasionally get false negatives and one of these kids slips through and is born. Personally, this all seems monstrous to me. I can not even being to fathom how an entire country could be so blind to genocide. Even still, there are people who will look past it or make excuses.
My question is, after eradicating this, which abnormality will they target next? Make no mistake, there will be a next, and something after that one, and on and on in an effort to only let "perfect" babies have a chance at life. How far will they go?
In an effort to answer this question, I did a little research. The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists published a handy guide in 2010 on what constitutes a fetal abnormality that warrants termination when a mother is past 24 weeks of pregnancy. This covers England, Scotland, and Wales.    This is how they define it.
         "There is no legal definition of substantial risk. Whether a risk will be regarded as substantial may vary with the seriousness and consequences of the likely disability. Likewise, there is no legal definition of serious handicap. An assessment of the seriousness of a fetal abnormality should be considered on a case-by-case basis, taking into account all available clinical information."

In short, they don't. It is up to the doctor. To be more specific, if you can get two doctors to sign a paper saying they think there is at least a 50% chance that your child will have something they deem serious, you can abort the baby after 24 weeks.
They go to great pains to make is appear as if it is only used in cases where a child would most likely die shortly after being born or if the mother would die, but that is not how it is written. Consequently, there is a rather well known case in which the Church of England attempted to have a doctor charged with aborting a child after 24 weeks. The baby was diagnosed in the womb as having a cleft palette. An investigation was opened, and it was determined that since two doctors said it was okay, they did not have grounds to charge the doctor who performed the abortion.
In case you are new to knowing me, you should know that I was born with a cleft palette. As you can imagine, I take this case rather personally. When I was born, the doctor told my parents that if you were given a list of birth defects and told you had to pick one for your child to have, a cleft palette would be the one to pick. It is the easiest to fix. No one knows I had one unless I tell them. It took a total of 2 surgeries to correct. Sure, it wasn't a walk in the park, but it was easier to deal with than something like a peanut allergy.  The point is, if they could legally justify aborting a child for a cleft, then they can justify literally anything that they might consider an imperfection.
Killing everyone suspected of having Down Syndrome is a test case. If they can get away with it then they will move to another defect. As prenatal testing gets better, so will the number of things they attempt to end.
It won't be long before they make the case for killing the babies born alive who were missed in the screening. It isn't even that big of a leap. Once you start down the road of deciding who deserves a chance at life, you open the door to debate. It is a debate we will lose.

Buy All the Things!

Nix leaves for college a week from tomorrow. To answer the most common first question. I'm actually doing really well with it. I'm still just really excited for the adventure she is starting. I'm sure it will hit me about halfway into the ride home from taking her. She will still be close by, so if I miss her terribly, I can just drive down and lure her into meeting me with the offer of free food and a full gas tank.
Since she is my first to go off to college, I have been reading a ton of articles on what to bring with you and what not to. They are hilariously contradictory.

Buy a cheap set of plates, glasses, and utensils because it is so much cheaper than paper products.
Don't waste your money on reusable dinnerware. You kid won't want to wash it and will end up using paper products.

Buy a stick vacuum because it takes up less space and will keep the floor neat.
Your kid will vacuum exactly once this year and it will be when they move out. Save your money and just bring your's when you come for move out day.

Buy a printer. It can be hard to get a school printer to work and it costs extra money.
Don't bother with a printer. Most assignments are emailed in now and a school printer is always open. Personal printers never work when you need them too.

Get a big meal plan. The freshmen 15 isn't going to appear magically.
Get the smallest meal plan allowed and stock the dorm with easy foods.

Color coordinate and make it feel like a home with lots of comfy throw pillows.
Don't waste money of decorative things. This is a dorm room not a house. Throw pillows just get thrown in the floor they aren't vacuuming.

Don't forget school supplies! They will still need the full list of notebooks, pencils, crayons, glue,...
Get a few basics, but don't go crazy on school supplies. Your college town will have a Walmart. Let your kid get what they need as they need it.

Get a full basket of cleaning supplies. A clean dorm is a happy dorm.
*insert the laughter of experienced parents* Just get lysol wipes and try not to look at the bathroom on Parent's weekend.

The bottom line is, know your kid, think about how they live now, and then shop with common sense accordingly.  I am sure I have forgotten several important things, and I would never pretend to claim to have the perfect packing list. I do however know where the closet Walmart, Target, drug store, and gas station are to the campus, so I think we are good to go.

Calm in the Storm

Have you ever had a song follow you around? You hear it once, and then for the next week you seem to hear it over and over. It plays in the store, it is on the radio when you get in the car, a clip of it plays in a show on tv, everywhere you turn, there it is, forcing you to notice it.

I have had a Bible verse stalk me until I read it the way I needed to hear it. It isn't a verse that is new to me at all. In fact, it is from a standard Bible story that I have heard since I was a little girl.

After not paying attention to it in the right way God sent it to me at 3:30 A.M. (I really need to start paying better attention during daylight hours.)

In Matthew 8, Jesus is on a boat with his disciples. A big storm comes up, and is really knocking the ship about. Everyone panics except Jesus, who is napping through it.  I am sorry to report that I know I would have been one of the people waking Him up, handing Him a rope or bucket, and giving Him that look that says, "Are you seriously sleeping through this?" I am not proud that that is who I am, but I might as well be honest about it. 

 Matthew 8:26, Jesus gets up, looks at them, and asks them why they are afraid. He then tells the wind and waves to cut it out, and the storm instantly stops. Everything is calm again.

The word that got to me at 3:30 was "calm". I don't know about you, but when I am up at that hour it is never thanks to me being calm. My first thought was, "Hey, I could use some of that calm about now!" There I was, standing in that boat, waking up Jesus to tell Him it was raining. I needed the wind knocked out of my sails. I was awake because of worry and fear. Sure, outside forces had started the waves, but I am the one who let it become a 3 o'clock tsunami. I wasn't preparing and then resting with the knowledge that God is handling it. I was asking God for the wrong thing. I don't need the storm to calm. I need to be calm in the storm, and let God handle it.

How many times have I heard that message? How many times has that verse laid open in front of me? How many times has God held me through a storm? Why, oh why, did it take a 3A.M. wake up call for me to actually hear what it was saying?

I have been listening to the lightening and thunder because they are louder and frightening. Instead, I desperately need to sit back, and take a rest with Jesus while God handles the storm. 

Even now, even after I have seen this with a fresh heart, there is my little inner "Martha" who whispers, "There is work that somebody has to do. You can't just all go take a nap and assume you'll wake up on the other side of this." That isn't entirely wrong. I can't just skip this trouble. I can't ignore it, and pretend it isn't there. However, that isn't what resting in the Lord looks like. Instead, it looks like picking up your Bible, hitting your knees in prayers, and knowing the answer is there. God not only has the answer, He already wrote it down for me. I even know where it is. I found it in the passage around the verse I made the picture on this post for, Psalms 107. Funny how it is about a calming of the sea, too. Now my job is to relax, leave it in His hands, and stop putting wind in the sails with worry and fear.

And He said to them, "Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?" Then He rose and rebuked the wind and the sea, and there was a great calm." - Matthew 8:26

You're Kidding Me, Right?

Since I turned 40 this year, and my last trip to the doctor for a simple well physical was in a year that may have started with 19, I thought it was time to catch up on my health. Be a little proactive for a change. This was a horrible idea. Okay, not horrible, it will probably save me a lot of worry and such down the road, but it hasn't been a fun trip.
Through an odd set of circumstances, which involves me getting shingles the week before my scheduled appointment, I was able to have my mammogram early. This is a little sad to admit, but the only reason I could accurately tell them the date of my last mammogram was because I wrote a blog post about it. I failed this one even more spectacularly than the last. The people at the imaging center seemed sort of impressed by how messed up I am. The good news is, it is all harmless, and just who I am. Weird, inside and out. The bad news is, they had to stab me to be sure.
Today was my full physical. I had to fast. Me. Fast. I took food with me so that I could eat as soon as the blood was drawn.
When I got to the office, there was an older woman there who started having some sort of problem that caused a stir with the office people, and the EMS being called. I wasn't sure what was wrong, but I heard them rush them to room 7. Much to my surprise, instead of the old lady, they wheeled out a man with no shirt and only one shoe. Shortly after, I was called back and put in room 7. It smelled strongly of cleaner. None of this is comforting.
The nurse who took me back did everything except send me for my blood draw. It had obviously been a crazy morning there, so I tried to wait, but at 11 I knew I needed food, and asked to have my blood drawn done. As it turns out, the older woman had been fainting (as in more than once), and they were in no hurry to have another one drop today.
As I walked out, two hours later, I realized that the people in the waiting room had no idea of the very unusual day the office was having. They only knew that they'd been waiting an hour, and were probably not happy about it. Then it dawned on me that although this particular set of circumstances was unusual, it isn't unusual for doctor's offices to have to deal with the unexpected on a daily basis. I may be a tad bit more patient in waiting rooms from now on.
 I should maybe mention that since it is my week to fail tests, I also failed my EKG, but not in a bad way, just in a "that's weird" way that wins me a trip to a cardiologist. Hopefully, I will also impress their office with my ability to be weird, and yet completely fine.

When the bough breaks

I love trees. Some of my fondest childhood memories involve trees. My grandmother had giant one with a swing that I was on every Sunday that weather allowed. I'm always a little sad when a big old tree has to come down. Today, two such trees fell.

My church meets in one of those small southern town churches that has been there forever. To be exact, 182 years (the building, not the specific congregation). It is right in the middle of downtown on Church Street. At the center of the church campus is a very old chapel. That chapel is flanked by two very large oak trees. I don't think it was anyone's first choice that these trees should come down today, but they were dying. 

I went up to watch them come down, and see if maybe I could save a little of the wood for my dad. I have never seen sick trees come down before. When the top most part came off it was so rotten that it turned into this as it hit the ground.

There were holes and cracks.

Then, at the heart of one of the trees, was this beautiful color. 

It amazing how something so dead on the outside can have such beauty inside. The tree company was very accommodating. They cut just the right sized pieces out of the sections I wanted to try to save. They are now in my garage, in black bags, protected and waiting on my dad to put them on a lathe. 

Now we wait. The logs have to dry out in the right way. It will probably be a good six months before we know what will become of this wood. It may crack and split and refuse to be turned. On the other hand, it could turn out beautiful pieces. There is really no way to know. Our hope is that we can make a good number of ink pens from it.

Whatever comes out, my dad will be giving it back to the church where the items will be sold to fund church mission projects. I am hopeful that we will be able to give people a chance to have a piece of these magnificent trees that stood in front of the church where their parents were married, they were baptized, or their children were dedicated. 

As a bonus for making it to the end of my ramble about trees, here is a quick clip of the second one coming down.

TIMBER!

    

The crazy, possibly dumb, kind of awesome thing I am trying

I wasn't going to tell people. It was going to be my little secret. Then I got so excited that I had to tell a few people, but I kept it mostly quiet. I was afraid I would fail and completely embarrass myself. Then something happened, and I realized that this is something I want to share. Even if I do give out, just trying is an accomplishment. So here goes.

As some of you may know, I started taking an adult ballet technique class a few years ago. I did it for exercise and to fulfill that childhood dream of wearing ballet shoes. I love it. It is the only exercise I have been consistent with, ever. This year, I was invited to join the teenagers in their weekly tech class. I dismissed it because this is a class Nix takes. Much to my surprise, she insisted that I take it. It was our only chance to take class together before she goes to college. So, I did it for her. It has strengthened me and improved my form by leaps. Literal and metaphorical ones. This has lead to my new adventure.

Yep. That is me. Me in my very first pair of pointe shoes.
Pointe work is different. It is slow. I have been at it for a couple of months, and today was the first time I was able to let go of the barre. It will be months more before I let go while moving because I do not want to break myself. For the time being, my victories come in the form of things like trying not to look like a newborn deer when I peel up en pointe.
You might have a couple of questions. A few of them I might can guess.
Yes, they do hurt, but probably not in the way you might think. I am not getting blistered or bruised. I am just getting muscle sore. It takes all the teeny tiny muscles in your foot that you don't know you have until they are all sore the next day.
No, I will not be performing. I am learning technical things and not dances. Although all the things I am learning could be combined into a dance, it is not in my plans.
I don't know how long I will keep it up, or where I am going with this.
No, I do not wear a tutu. There are tights involved though.
Did I miss anything?

Where Have I Been?!

Through an odd route that I won't bore you with, I recently ended up looking at my own public facebook profile with a critical eye. The point was to answer the question, "If a stranger looked at your public profile, what would they know about you?" Three big things stood out.

1. I do not like, what I perceive to be, injustice, and want others to be equally outraged and moved to action. 

2. I value what I can make myself. 

3. I use to write (past tense). 

Where have I been? Why did I stop? Have I stopped making things and having silly things happen? 

It has taken me a couple of weeks to come up with an answer.  It has really bothered me. We have been through, and continue to go through the most tumultuous political period of my lifetime, and I haven't blogged a word. Have I suddenly lost conviction in what I believe, or worse yet, lost the nerve to state my beliefs? That's not it. So, what is it? 

The internet, and the country in general, has been flooded with people not just stating their opinions, but shouting them. The "other side" is in a bubble, and just don't know what you know. That side is evil. This side is ignorant. Those people are naive. The others are racist, bigot, homophobic, atheistic, murdering, terroristic, and on and on and on. 

Everyone is yelling. No one is listening. So, that is where I have been. I have been listening. What I have determined from all the listening is that everyone needs to calm down. Take a deep breath. Spend the day making an effort to not be angry, outraged, offended, or defensive.

I'm going to try to get back to writing. I actually have projects stored up to post about. I will try to keep it craft based because I think we need more normal and simple popping up in our feeds again. 

My latest thing is trying out wood burning. My dad loaned me a really nice burner, and I'm working on combining my slight obsession with fonts and typography with pyrography. My first project seems to fit this post nicely.