Not too long ago, a famous church lady posted a mini rant about how you should always drag your kid to church especially those rebellious, moping, too cool for church, teenagers. No excuses. No whining. Get yourself in the car and go to church. It came at a time when I had just allowed my teens to sit out, so it struck me wrong. I am not looking to justify my decision. I just want to politely point out that there are valid reasons to not force your kids into church. So here goes...
When you have a child who starts putting up a fight about going to church, it is vitally important to find out why. Here are a few things that might make it justifiable.
The most important one to talk about is one of the ones no one wants to talk about. Abuse. More often than not, children are abused by someone they know in a location that the parents feel is safe such as their own homes, school, and yes, church. There is nothing magical about walking through the doors of a church that suddenly makes a person not a predator. Someone being made a Sunday School teacher or a deacon or even a pastor doesn't prevent them from being humans who do bad things. I am not suggesting that you ask your kid if someone at church is molesting them. What I am saying is that kids are incredibly perceptive and you should ask them if there is anyone at church making them feel uneasy, even if they aren't sure why. If the answer is yes, don't freak out. Just make sure your child doesn't interact with that person alone, and be observant of their interactions. I hope I don't have to say this, but just in case I do, if you do know of actual abuse, report it. Do not hesitate. Do not worry about what people will think. Report it. In most cases the kid being abused isn't the first and won't be the last unless someone stops them. Speak up. Don't gossip about it. Just go to the police and let them sort it out.
Another thing we don't like to talk about is church cliques. Most churches have them even if they try not to. All youth groups have them. Everyone seems to think that their youth group is different. I assure you, it is not. I have seen exclusion in youth groups that was so bad that even Regina George would be taken aback. "Everyone is equally invited to everything, and the kids are encouraged to make sure everyone feels included." How nice. Do you see that kid who spends their time talking with the adult? How about the one who is always so helpful and cleaning up? The kid who seems to always be late and never comes to the more social events? The kid who talks the most during class time? Watch their interactions with the other kids. The body language. The eye rolls. The sighs and excuses to walk away. They deal with not sitting at the cool table everyday at school. Why would they want to deal with that at church?
Finally, there is actually a chance that your kid sees a spiritual problem in the church that you don't, or more likely, one you have been ignoring. Drawing from my own experience, kids can see things in simple terms which can be a real benefit. For example, say you've noticed that your class study guides have gotten kind of thin. They don't really help you grow as a Christian. You gain more from class discussion, but only if the class is in the mood to discuss. Otherwise, you sit through a lame talk for an hour to then move to some form of music and another lecture that maybe has gotten a bit watered down or redundant. As an adult, I get that these things tend to ebb and flow, but if church has been more social interaction and concert time for you than actual spiritual growth, then your kid might know it and feels the lack of authenticity. To their mind it is a simple question. If church isn't helping then shouldn't a change be made?
Church hurt is real, and it is a struggle for mature Christian adults to process. So, if your kid is making every excuse in the book to not go, maybe ask them why before assuming you need to drag them in.
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