Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Grandma Medical Advice

Googling a medical question is just a dumb thing to do. We all know it is going to tell us we have an incurable rare disease, but we do it anyway. What we really need is a way to search what a typical granny type would tell you. Chances are it would have a more accurate answer than a "medical" site that tells you an eye twitch is probably a tumor or Tourettes (true story)

Why do I have a pain in my side?
It's just gas. Cut back on the chili and fritos a bit.

What does this headache mean?
It means you need to log off the computer. We all get headaches. Take a pill and sit in the dark.

What is this bruise on my leg?
You hit your leg two days ago on the coffee table/car door/ bedpost and forgot about it

What is this red bump?
Looks like a no-see-um gottcha. Just rub a little of that bug cream stuff on it. If it gets bigger, see about it.

Does my child have a learning disability?
Yes. Who doesn't. Back in my day....(insert opinion on spanking/working harder/just a phase/medication)

Why do I keep falling over?
Men, stop drinking  Women, stop wearing though crazy shoes

Could this be cancerous?
Everything could be cancerous. Why are you asking me? Talk to a doctor

Will this get worse if I don't have it treated?
It will either get better or worse

It hurts when I do this.
Stop doing that!

Obviously, none of this is legitimate medical advice, but is it really much worse than what you'll find if you google "toenail infection"? Actually, mine might be better because there aren't pictures that make you gag.
(just a damaged nail from dropping things on it and discolored from nail polish or a tumor)

1 comment:

Virginia said...

You really need the old rubber chicken for the "stop doing that!" one. ;)